Loving Again After Divorce

I was recently asked if it is true that everyone must have a ‘rebound’ relationship, one that helps restore confidence but is short lived. I replied that I didn’t think there had to be a rebound relationship, although it is quite common.

For some people a rebound relationship is just what they need (as long as they are aware that is what it is). A fun, ‘no ties’ relationship which will help to reassure them they are attractive and fun to be with while not committing themselves to settling down again. As long as both parties are aware this is all it is no one gets hurt. A rebound relationship can be great fun, you get to experience new things and feel good about yourself. However, if only one of you is aware it is a ‘fling’ some one can get hurt and that’s not fair. Make sure you’re both aware of the level of commitment you are offering. If the other person seems to be taking it more seriously you must explain how you feel and break it off before they get hurt.

For some people a ‘fling’ is something they would never be comfortable with and that’s fine too. It’s OK to take things slowly, get to know someone well before making any commitment or having a sexual relationship. If someone is serious about you they will respect your feelings as long as you make it clear what they are!

In any relationship you do need to talk about what you want.

If you are unsure about how to develop a new relationship there are a few questions you can ask yourself:

What will happen if I do?

What will happen if I don’t?

What won’t happen if I do?

What won’t happen if I don’t?

What is the worst that can happen?

What am I looking for in a new relationship?”

As you may know from my previous articles and blogs, I do believe you should learn to love yourself before you try to love anyone else. So do spend some time alone, learning about yourself and what you want from life.

Everyone is different and will find love at a different pace and in a different way. Some may actively look for love by using internet dating, speed dating or dating ‘clubs’. Others may meet people by taking up new hobbies, learning new skills or joining dance classes or sports clubs. Others meet by accident at parties or even in a bus queue (yes, I do know someone who met a boyfriend this way).

It doesn’t matter how long it takes or how you meet them as long as it feels right for you.

Annie O’Neill has been widowed and divorced but now enjoys a very happy relationship with her husband, David with whom she is celebrating her 10th wedding anniversary this year.

Because of her understanding of the difficulties involved in the breakdown of a long-term relationship Annie set up New Horizons Divorce Coaching in May 2006, having qualified as a Personal Life Coach and NLP Practitioner earlier that year.

Annie has a website http://www.newhorizons-divorcecoaching.co.uk and a blog http://lifeafterdivorce.wordpress.com/

Annie lives in Reading, Berkshire, UK and is often asked to appear on BBC Radio Berkshire as a local divorce expert.