How to Survive a Divorce After 25 Years of Marriage

The best way to tell this story is to start at the beginning.  I met my husband of 25 years in a local park.  We hit it off right away.  He was handsome and I was young.  I believed that he was a good man.  We got married after we had been dating for about six months.  I thought that we would be together forever.  I guess I was wrong.

We had a great marriage for the first two years.  After that he became less and less trusting.  There were times when he would accuse me of sleeping with men that I did not even know.   The longer we stayed together the worse he became.  It really drove a wedge between us.  I should probably have gotten divorced then.  I did leave once, but he begged me to come back and of course I did.  Things were good again until we had children.  He once again became suspicious of everyone.  He sometimes became violent but not to the extreme.  Once again I stayed with him and stayed faithful.  

As the children got older and he started working farther from home we grew further and further apart.  He wanted to go out and drink with friends.  I wanted to stay home and watch TV with the family.    I should say here that my father was an alcoholic and it was the one thing that I could not handle.    We began to talk about maybe getting a divorce when the children were out of high school.  Most of the time it was when we were fighting so I never really meant that I would leave him.

One day we were discussing whether or not we would invest in real estate before we retired and he announced that he was not sure we would still be married long enough to invest in real estate together.  I did not really thing he was serious.  It turns out he was.  One Saturday morning about a month later after we slept in the same bed he casually announced that he was going to the attorney’s office to file divorce papers and did I want to go with him.  I still was not sure he would go through with it.  By this time we were fighting all the time.  Things had really gotten almost unbearable.   He came back a few hours later and said that I needed to go sign the papers.  I shed a few tears and drove to the attorney’s office.  I signed the papers without even looking them over.  He gave the reason as irreconcilable differences.  He was right.  I just never had the nerve to go through with the divorce.  I don’t remember much of what happened during the next week.  I remember that he packed some clothes and left that same day.  I have not seen him since but he does keep in touch with my children.  I know it sounds silly but I did not want him to know how bad I was hurt.  I guess it was just my pride.

It has now been over a year and most people that I  know do not even know that I am divorced.  I just told one of my friends last week because she was moving to another town.  I was afraid of being treated differently.  They all thought that I had a wonderful husband and marriage.  Its funny, I was able to tell stranger so easily, but could not bring myself to tell my friends.  I just felt too uncomfortable.

I survived this episode in my life and can now write about it because I have two very supportive children.  They have been my rocks.  My 21 year old daughter is my best friend.  We tell each other pretty much everything.  My son does not talk much but it is because of him that I am able to type this on Ezine.  You see he and I are working on making money at home.  They have both taught me so much about what is important in life.  I just feel so good when I think of how bad this could have been after 25 years of marriage.

Today I can say to my ex-husband  thank you for having the guts to do something I could never do.  There are times when I am lonely, but I soon get over it.  I think somewhere during my married life I lost myself.  It really feels good to be finding myself again.  I found strength that I never knew I had that helped me get through this period in my life.  I can honestly say that I hope my ex-husband has found all the happiness he wants.

I wrote this article as a form of therapy.  If anyone out their is in the same situation just remember This Too Shall Pass.