Can You Decide If It Is Time To Consider Divorce?

Have you tried everything and you still cannot find a way to improve your marriage? At what point to I give in and try and move on with my life? Can you decide if it is time to consider divorce?

Have you found yourself asking these questions? Do you know what to do, or where to turn, you have tried everything and it still looks as if your marriage will fail. Thoughts like these are mentally draining and the pain and anguish that comes with them can bring you to your knees. You are not alone in this. All over the world, couples are going through a similar anguish.

When you reach the point where your marriage is breaking up before your eyes, you can do nothing to halt the decline, divorce has become a probability. The emotional consequences of all this can be truly devastating.

How will your life go forward if you end your marriage?

Having effectively lost half of yourself, who will you be?

Will you stay in your home or will you have to move?

If you have kids, how will your family survive the breakup? What will happen to your kids?

Questions like these plague people who are drifting towards divorce. Unfortunately there are no easy answers to those questions, the situation is difficult and the chances are that people will get hurt. So, can you decide if it is time to consider divorce.

It is a sad fact of life that not all marriages work out. Just because things look bleak it does not mean that your marriage has to end, and in my articles I will always try to find ways to help you rebuild your marriage. Marriage is something special. You have to be committed to your marriage to bring it to its full potential. If you are both committed to your marriage, and you both put in the work to make it succeed, then you will have created something fulfilling and special that will give your life meaning, purpose and strength.

I know that not every couple gets a happily ever after. The divorce rate is horrific. Okay so not all marriages make it, but that does not mean that you have to join the statistics. Can you decide if it is time to consider divorce?

There are cases where what has happened in a marriage, the pain and grief that it has caused is simply too much to bear. It could also be the case that you have just become worn out trying to make your marriage work. No matter what I or anyone else can say, there are some wounds that will never heal.

Not every marriage works. Some people are just far to incompatible for their marriage to stand a chance of success. If you want your marriage to work, you need to make sure that you both want the same things from it. If you have reached the stage where you are considering a divorce, you have to understand you are the only one who can say whether or not it is time to leave your marriage. So, can you decide if it is time to consider divorce?

A lot of people will spend a lot of time talking to friends, family, and whoever they think can help them make this decision. It does not matter who they are, none of them can tell you whether or not you should leave your marriage, It does not matter how well-intentioned they are, how well-informed they are, they still cannot give you the answer that you need. And for that matter, neither can I.

This is your life and you are the one who has to live with the consequences of your actions. You are the only one who knows whether or not you can live with your spouse for what could be decades. You are the only one who knows if the emotional price that you pay for your marriage is worth it.

This comes as a surprise to many people, but no one is perfect. You fell for your spouse because there was an initial attraction, and then you found that there was something more to them. Like everyone, they probably have some habits that you really wish that they had not, your spouse probably has similar thoughts on some of your habits. I hope that these habits are just minor irritants. In some cases they are, and in some cases they are not!

It is possible that you have been unwittingly exacerbating some of your spouses less desirable habits. But you would need an independent witness such as a marriage counselor to see if that is the case. As you are the one who has to live with these habits, you are the only one who can say whether or not you can put up with them. I guess that there could be things that you can deal with which would make friends or family look at you in amazement. But it is your life, if you are happy with how things are then that is your business, who cares what anyone else thinks, all that matters is that you are happy.

It is critical that you understand this! Only you can choose whether or not to continue working on your relationship or to call time and get a divorce. I know that I keep repeating this, but you have to understand that it it you life, your decision, your consequences. That is one of the problems of growing up, we have to answer our own questions, the days when we could go running to our parents are long gone. Can you decide if it is time to consider divorce.

Having said all that, there are a few things that you might like to consider that could help you decide on your course of action.

You might have thought that you have done everything possible to save your marriage, but have you looked at going back to basics? Rebuild your marriage from the ground up. Whatever you do, do not make it into some kind of imitation of what got you into this mess. You both had hopes and dreams for what your marriage should have been like, well now is the time to put them into action. it will take both of you but rebuild your marriage into what a marriage should be, you never know, you might even enjoy it.

If you try this out, and create the marriage that you had always hoped that it would be. Then, if you do finally decide to leave, then you will know just what you are giving up.

When your marriage is on the rocks, you are hurting, and while you are hurting it is far to easy to miss the good things in your marriage. That is why, if you are able to do it, I strongly recommend rediscovering the good in your marriage by getting your marriage back into shape. When you are hurting it blinds you to every thing that is positive. Whether you stay or go, you need to be able to make an informed choice about it, and this is probably the best way to do it. And then can you decide if it is time to consider divorce?

If you decide to take this approach then there are a few points that you need to make a note of. You need to set yourself a time limit, it could be 3 months, 6 months or whatever is best for you. Mark that final day on your calendar. When then day arrives you need to reassess your situation. Do you stay, go, or do you set a new date to work to. If you have a fixed amount of time to achieve something in your mind will be more focused to achieving your goals. When people are bound by time constraints there is a greater sense of urgency. You have a set goal to work towards, and a consequence if you do not reach it.

As this is your last chance then you might as well give it everything that you have got. Regardless of how your spouse acts, be the very best spouse that you can. That way, even if you do part, you will have the satisfaction of knowing that you have done your very best for your marriage.

It might be difficult but you need refrain from using the divorce word, at least until your time limit expires and you realise that you cannot save your marriage. If your marriage had not faltered you would not have talked about divorce so try to erase the word from your mind. Until that day dawns you need to act like a family and believe that your marriage is going to last. You have to be positive about this. If you approach it in a negative frame of mind it will not work. But if you approach it believing that all will work out then you will give yourself your best chance of success.

Your marriage may or may not work out. Only you and your spouse can decide that. If you get your marriage into the best shape possible then you will at least have a basis on which to make a more informed decision. And can you decide if it is time to consider divorce? If you do decide to split then your experience of being the best spouse possible, regardless, will stand you in good stead for future relationships.

There is no guarantee that divorce will solve all your problems, life is just not that simple. Far too many people look at divorce as a cure all for their relationship problems. Things get bad, marriage broke, get divorced, find new spouse, live happily ever after. No. All marriages have problems, it is how you deal with them that can make you, or break you….

There are some relationships that have a darker side to them and I would strongly advise that you leave them at speed and never look back. But an ordinary marriage, where you once loved each other…

For the majority of people divorce is probably not going to give them the bright new future that they had hoped for.

You might even end up with new problems.

A study released in 2002 called, “Does Divorce Make People Happy? Findings From A Study Of Unhappy Marriages”, analized data from the University of Wisconsin’s National Survey of Family and Households and came up with some interesting results. They found that unhappily married couples who divorced or separated, were no happier than the unhappily married couples who stayed married. Even when an unhappy spouse had remarried, they were, on average, no happier than the unhappy spouses who stayed married. It makes you think…

They found that divorce did nothing to deal with depression or raise the self-esteem of those who got divorced. They found that this was true regardless of age, race, gender and income.

About two-thirds of the survey group of 645 spouses who were able to avoid divorce, were found to be happily married when surveyed 5 years later.

Maybe it is a reflection on our overly commercialised society where to few of use are prepared to place value on anything. If something is broke, do not fix it, just go down to the store and buy a new one. That is no way to live.

There are abusive relationships that destroy their victims. There are some relationships which cannot be healed regardless of the work that is put into them. There are some people who end up far happier after they divorce. But on the whole these tend to be the exceptions rather than the rule. People tend to be just as unhappy after they divorce, in fact, some unfortunates end up even more unhappy. Can you decide if it is time to consider divorce?

Do not believe that divorce is a cure for all of your problems, the chances are that it will not! Divorce is and expensive, lengthy and emotionally draining process. For at least the duration of the divorce you will have to remain in contact with your spouse in what is a hostile environment. Not a pleasant experience.

Things get worse and much more complicated if children are involved. If there are children then you will have to remain in contact with your ex for at least as long as they remain at home, and possibly for the rest of your life. Just because you get divorced it does not mean that you stop being a parent. You will have to face all the trials and tribulations of divorced parents who have to share their children. These include child support, visitation rights, step parents, other children, the extended families of your spouses new family, the list could go on and on.

Regardless of how old they are, divorce has a significant negative effect on children. If you really cannot stand being with your spouse, how can you communicate that to your children in a way that will not hurt them?

Now I am not trying to tell you that you have to stay in a marriage that really does not work and will never work. I can outline your options but that is as far as I can go.

Whatever you decide to do, however you move forward from here, there is one thing that I can tell you. When your marriage will not work, when there is nothing that you can do to help it, most people reach a point when they know that they have reached the end of their marriage. If that is you, then you can feel it inside of you. Those who have reached that stage are just to worn out to continue working to save an impossible dream, and they have had enough of the pain and grief. Take the time to think about what you can live with, and what you cannot. If you have something worth fighting for, then go for it. But if you have a lost cause then do not waste your life trying to pursue something that can never be.

Can you decide if it is time to consider divorce. My friend, you have no choice in the matter, at the end of the day it is all down to you. Whether you stay or go I wish you all the very best with you future and I hope that you find happiness.

Being a student of life I thought it about time to get my ideas down in the hope that they will help people with whatever difficulties they are facing. My first site started out as what was supposed to be a review site but it kind of grew to something covering relationships in general. http://www.reviewthemagicofmakingup.com I have started work on a new site, helpmarriage.org, which as the name suggests is targeted at helping marriages in distress. Of course, the information to be found in this site can also be useful for those in relationships. Whatever the relationship have, and whatever the problems that you have, I hope that you can find something on one of my sites to help you. http://www.helpmarriage.org